Thursday, October 20, 2011

Opinions are like______. Every one's got one!

I have been joining in on the 31 Day Better Blog Challenge on the BlogFrog and it has been something else! Some of the tips and ideas are things that I knew I should probably be doing. Some were things that I had no idea how to do, and some were things that were just frightening for me.

This post is an example of one of those things. The opinion post. I do not get very opinionated in my posts. I am non-confrontational as a general rule. It is not that I don't have strong opinions but I don't always feel the need to voice them. And what ever my opinion is, someone out there thinks they know better.

A blogger on the Mom Loop shared a comment she had gotten from a person who strongly disagreed with how this blogger put her baby to bed. Not only did she disagree but she wrote that she would "Pray that (the baby) can escape." It was really so horrible and I felt so bad for the woman who received it.

It got me thinking about opinions, and how people seem to feel so at ease letting you know exactly what they are, especially when it comes to how to be a parent. I started thinking of some of the "helpful" opinions I had received over the years.

"All that kid needs is a good spanking!"

"Your girl is too chunky to be wearing those pants"

"You didn't circumcise him? That's filthy, he's going to get infections and cancer!"

"Stop coddling him so much, your going to turn him in to a wuss."

"She'd start talking if you'd take that passie out of her mouth!"

"You need to teach your children to obey!"

Most of these were said by family, friends and coworkers who all thought they were doing me a big favor by adding there opinions to how I raised my children. And being the non confrontational person I am, I usually just smiled and said, "Okay." And then went on parenting exactly how I had been parenting before the helpful advice. As parents we are under so much pressure. We are under a constant microscope of judgment. And if we aren't directly pressured by others than we lay the pressure on ourselves by comparing ourselves to others.

We agonize over every decision. Baby wearing or stroller? Crib or family bed? Cloth diaper or disposable? Public school or home school? Work or stay home? Cry it out or rock to sleep? And what ever we choose, there will be someone there to tell us we are doing it wrong!
So here is my plea, to all the mothers of the world...Lets give each other a break! Let's cut each other some slack. Let's all acknowledge that we are doing the best we can with what we have got and none of us can judge until we have walked in each others shoes.

If you have an example of some "helpful" advice gone array I would love to hear it. And if you would like leave some one some words of affirmation, I think that would be wonderful as well!

12 comments:

  1. My favorite was a comment when someone observed my child not being perfect, "Did he learn that at daycare?" from someone judging me for being a working mom. I would guess that each of us moms have been on the receiving end of these types of comments. The sooner we get comfortable in our own skin and make decisions for our family without regard for everyone else's opinion, the better off we will be. Moms do know best! Carry on!

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  2. Kristin@Sense of WonderOctober 21, 2011 at 8:16 AM

    Oh, Linda! Yes I have gotten those as well. The choice to go back to work is a very private one and very specific to your families needs. When my daughter was in preschool I got a lot of those kind of comments, or the,"She wouldn't be sick so much if she was at home with you." Ugh! Thanks a lot! Thanks for the comment Linda!

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  3. Oh I get comments, the worst one I got was from a person and it was,
    "I was acting to much of a professional with my daughter and that I just needed to be more of a mom." Major oach!!

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  4. Kristin@Sense of WonderOctober 21, 2011 at 2:48 PM

    Tink, that has to be a confusing comment. Reading through your blog I saw that you were a child care professional with a degree in Early childhood development. I would think your profession would be part of what would make you a great mom. I know I feel that my time in the classroom helped me enormously with raising my family.

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  5. Yes- let's cut each other some slack! If we stop judging each other we might be able to learn from one another. Thanks :)

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  6. I married my husband and his 3 kids. They are now my kids. Before I was a mom, I was one of those people who used to say, "OMG people need to pay closer attention to their kids." Well, it's not that easy! And quickly I learned that in order for the children to be happy, safe and healthy is for there to be a sense a unity with the parents. Both of sets of parents in our case, communicate what is going on in each other's houses and who is being rewarded for what deed and who is being disciplined for something bad. We communicate. Not only do we communicate with each other we communicate with the children. The boys know what they will be reprimanded for and what they will be rewarded for. But they are kids and they forget and as an adult, as a parent, it's ok. We keep helping them learn.

    I got a comment a few weeks ago from someone saying, "I bet he learned that at his real mother's house." They don't know our situation, no one does. I just stayed quiet and went on my merry way. Our children in our case know that they have two sets of parents that love them very much. We communicate, and if anyone has a problem with our children and they way we parent our children, then they don't need to be around us. I know this is a long comment, But Kristin, you are so right, no one but ourselves know what is good and what is bad for OUR children, and sometimes we don't know either, so we learn along side the kids. Everyday is a learning experience in my house!

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  7. Kristin@Sense of WonderOctober 22, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    We have a blended family too, and those comments can be the worst! Its like people think they learn all their good behavior at one home and all their bad behavior at another home. It is ridiculous.

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  8. Oh wow, I totally can relate! I've had people tell me that my baby doesn't need a binky after about a minute into meeting him! It's discouraging. We should be encouraging each other not putting each other down.

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  9. Kristin@Sense of WonderOctober 24, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    Yeah, the passie is one of those things that EVERYBODY has an opinion about! My pediatrician told me that studies have shown that babies who use a pacifier are less likely to die of SIDS. I don't know if that is true, but I'll go with it.

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  10. What a response to your post! I like your call to parents to stop judging. There are so many circumstances involved in each person's life that it is impossible to judge accurately, even if it were our job to do it (which it isn't, for most of us!). Even offhand comments can hurt. Though I (hope I) don't make judging comments to any parents, I found I have to work hard at keeping judging thoughts out of my head, since I am a flawed human being. The Golden Rule applies here, too, I guess. :)

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  11. Kristin@Sense of WonderOctober 24, 2011 at 10:46 PM

    Well said Kristy. We all can be guilty of it. I guess I just would love to see people a little more aware of how their words can hurt.

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  12. Kristin this is a beautiful post! I'm sorry I didn't see the link you left for it on blogfrog/momloop until just now! I love how you wrote with kindness and still made your point in a strong way!

    Great job! And I agree with you moms need to be kinder to eachother!

    Shannon
    MilkandCuddles.com

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